Life After DivorceFor many of us, life after Divorce may seem terrifying; and yet for others it is a huge anti-climax! We often can’t imagine ever dating again, let alone being in a new relationship but that, thankfully, will not always be true. You may even get to a place in your life where you are so happy again that you wonder why you stayed in an unhappy marriage for so long!New RelationshipsThe start of a new relationship will often seem strange and you might find yourself at first comparing this new relationship to your old marriage. Whilst it is good to be reflective to some degree so that you do not repeat old patterns, obsessing is not altogether healthy and it is necessary to find a happy medium.Ultimately, every person is different and cannot be pigeon-holed into stereotypical roles. Be a little cautious, yet do not be pessimistic to the extent that you kill the new relationship off before its really been given chance.
Know that
dating
and forming a good relationship will take time. Be kind to yourself and treat you and your dates with kid gloves. Just because you are divorced, it does not mean that you are some sort of pariah.
You are a worthy person who deserves a healthy and happy existence following your recent stressful period.
So treat yourself to it! The possibilities in life are endless — stay open to fluke & chance meetings which may introduce to the next 'Mr or Mrs Right'! Your children and your new partnerSo now you are thinking about, or have already started dating someone new, how does that new relationship fit in with your existing family structure? Both your children and your new partner may have a difficult time understanding their new roles within the family and how the dynamics work between you all. Your children may feel lots of things which seem unexplained and being resentful is just one of the difficulties most divorce familes face to some degree. They may think that your new relationship is trying to take the place of their other parent. Let them know that this is not the case, and that just because you are dating again, it does not mean that they will lose another parent. Show them that this new period is a fresh start and that it can potentially be more fulfilling and include even more than life did previously. Also let your new partner know what is expected of them in your family – for example what is ok and what is not ok in terms of discipline with your children. This should help to put your new partner at ease. Long Term effects of DivorceWe have often convinced ourselves that Divorce can be so damaging that neither we nor our children will ever be able to have a normal life or a healthy relationship after the divorce. Nothing can be further from the truth.While it may be true that Divorce can have long term effects that may stay hidden for months or even years, if you are able to recognize these effects you will often be able to control how they affect you and your new relationships. This is the same with your children in many cases. There is no reason to think that just because you are divorced that your children will be doomed to live ‘loveless lives’, full of pain - recent studies show just the opposite in fact. By creating a safe and stable post-divorce household for your children, the long term effects of your divorce on your children will usually be minimal. Emotional ProcessIt is true that Divorce is an emotional process that may take years to get over, but what we sometimes forget is that life itself is an emotional process. By understanding this, not only will you be able to get re-married if you so choose, but by working at creating a strong and healthy bond, you may find that your life after divorce is even better than anything you have ever known before!
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