Children & their Pipedreams of Reconciliation

Young children in particular will often make their 'Birthday Wish' as they blow out their candle or cut their cake that 'Mummy & Daddy will get back together and live happily ever after'

Wishes on the 'First-Star-I-See-Tonight' that their family will once again become united are often just attempts at coming to terms with the harsh reality of a divided home.

Even older children, whilst not verbalising these thoughts will often admit to wanting this reconciliation to happen long after the Divorce is finalised and the ink is dry on the paperwork.

Children go on wishing for a reconcilication for a long time.
Try to acknowledge their wishes but set them straight by gently explaining that 'It's okay to wish for something nice like that as it's a natural thing to feel however it isn't going to happen'

Laying the Pipedream to Rest

Do not tell your children that one parent will be leaving a long time in advance as it will sow the seed of doubt in their mind that the event is actually taking place and they will have unfounded hopes that you have changed your minds

Be polite to your ex-partner but not overly familiar particularly when your children are present as this confuses them and leaves doubts in their minds that the relationship could still be rekindled.

Do not spend the night with your former partner as again this reignites a flame that a closeness still exists between you and that you may be able to make another 'go' of things.

Try to give specific reasons for your separation and divorce so that your children can understand the reasoning behind your differences. This is particularly helpful if open conflict was not visible in the relationship as this is often hard to come to terms with. Children of 'Happy Divorces' may believe that because you get along so well that a reunion is still on the cards. This is where having reasons for the Divorce helps with the process of understanding 'Why it has happened'.

Ask your children from time to time if they still hope for a reconciliation and use this time to reinforce your separation and explain that just because you are not together as a family any longer, you still both love him or her in the same unique way.