Breaking the news of your Divorce to your ChildrenBreaking the news of your divorce to your Children is likely to be the one of the hardest things you do once it has been agreed that you plan to go your separate ways and divorce.DO NOT PUT OFF TELLING THEMThey will most likely already know that there is something and putting off the inevitable will only create further tension in a probably already highly flammable environment…. Before talking to your children, consider the following with your partner• When is the best time to talk? • What will we say to them? • Who will do the talking? • Is one parent moving out, and if so when and where to? • Where will the children live? • When will the children see the other parent? • What will the main changes be in day to day life? Whenever possible always try to break the news together as parents and do not leave it as the responsibility of either one single partner as this can lead to problems further down the line. Fear of total abandonment is the greatest worry for most children on hearing the news and reassurance is crucial.Before breaking the news of your divorce to your children, it is important that you PLAN what you are going to say and agree what will be said beforehand and that blame on either parent is not allocated directly. Try to always tell the TRUTH as far as is reasonably possible. There is usually no need to go into the minutiae of the details, particularly if there is another person involved.Never lie but the whole truth in all it's detail isn’t always helpful at this early stage. If you leave children completely in the dark at this point however, they usually imagine situations far worse than the actual reality. They are never too young to understand the basics even though they may not like the news. There are many tips on ensuring you raise happy and well adjusted kids inspite of the Divorce process - Click here for Tips The questions that they ask are usually quite basic and easily answered. E.g. where will we live? When can we see mummy/daddy? Some children believe that the Divorce is their fault – it is vital that you explain in clear words that it is in no way related to ANYTHING they have done or not done. Do not let the news of the divorce filter through from outside sources – this will often lead to a sense of betrayal. Helpful examples of words to explain may be: • ‘Mummy and Daddy have decided that they no longer want to live together and so are going to live in separate houses to see if we get on better living on our own…’ • ‘We still both love you very, very much and what is happening is absolutely NOTHING to do with anything you have done.’ If they ask a question try to check that your answer actually covers their concern as it may be that you responded at a level they weren’t looking for! Always see if they have any other questions and let them know that they can come to speak to either of you at any time and to always let you know if anything is bothering them.
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