Men & DivorceThe face of Divorce for Men has thankfully changed drastically in the last few years. Since many men have become 'Stay-at-home Dads' opting out of busy career lives, they have graciously redefined what it means to be married, and therefore what it means to be divorced.
Men are traditionally thought of as ‘Providers’ for their families - at least that is the cliché that society has espoused. The question then becomes ‘How can we still provide for our families if we are separated from them?’ This is one of the hardest parts of any divorce for a man and also for the rest of the family.
Having access to your children is usually always one of the top priorities for men who have kids and are in the throes of getting a divorce. Many couples cite their children as reasons for staying together, so when you have decided not to stay together it is important for your children to know how much you still care and love them.
For taylored advice SPECIFICALLY related to the circumstances of men please Click Here!During the Divorce process, men should work with their spouses to create a mutually agreed upon Parental Agreement. Decide together if you will have joint custody, partial custody, or visitation rights. In most cases, the mother is historically termed as the primary caregiver and the children will reside with her.
There are many more cases these days however where the father is being awarded primary custody if circumstances can show that they are better suited to living with him. If this is your plan of campaign, arm yourself with a good Attorney/Lawyer and expect to face the music! The sooner you work out the Child Contact details, the sooner your children will feel a bit safer about the divorce.
In the UK, Child Support must be paid to the mother regardless of whether the father has visitation rights or not. Laws like this have lead to the United Kingdom’s Men’s Movement which has recently gained strength and received publicity in ways such as fathers scaling the heights of Big Ben in Spider Men outfits to heighten the public’s awareness of their plight. Ultimately, the courts want what is best for the child, so during the divorce be sure to talk to your children and understand what they want. In the UK and the US men have not been taught to use support networks as well as women have. Because of this, men going through divorce can often feel more alienated, isolated & alone than their female counterparts.
Do not allow this to happen to you!!If you find that you are cutting yourself off from friends and family - stop. Divorce can seem harder for men because traditionally they are not supposed to show their feelings and generally they do function better in a partnership whereas women are often more self-sufficient by themselves. Because of this, men tend to cut themselves off as a protective mechanism, often without even realizing that this is occurring. Their ability to compartmentalize their lives is oft times what helps them get through this painful transitional period but this is not necessarily the best way to address the situation and shutting off feelings now will often lead to difficulties when moving on to new relationships at a later date.
It is imperative to find a support network to help you through the Divorce. Go to trusted friends and family to discuss some of the issues that are happening and try to share some of your problems you may be facing. Look online for local and national groups for men and divorce or single parents. Talk to a counselor or therapist - anything so that the emotions you are dealing with don’t come out in other unhealthy ways.
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In a divorce, men should also familiarize themselves with their paternity rights. First and foremost, the rights of fathers are much stronger if they have been married to the mother than if they have not. In the US these rights may vary a bit according to which State you reside in, so be sure to go to your State’s resource page about the father’s rights.
